So today I had a unique problem, one that I have only experienced twice in the past year. For many Trans Women of Colour the danger to their safety is something that they have to live with in public. Transgender people experience more hate crimes and discrimination than any other group of people including African Americans and gays. Trans Women of Colour especially need to look out for their safety as they are sometimes targeted.
Today, I had an experience out in public. Being trans myself I have been in public places and feared for my safety. Today I was targeted by someone out while I was getting gas for my car. The person ended up screaming at me. In this situation I was more taken aback at the response than knowing what to do. Being trans you have to think like a man and a woman at the same time. You have to worry about being clocked and outed in public and you have to think about how you present and what bathroom you use. Some cis people think bathrooms are something stupid. But bathrooms can mean the difference between dignity and violence for a trans person.
My experience today, and another experience I had at a convenience store a few years ago when I was presenting in-between was a scary time. I was at a convenience store buying a drink and there was a group of drunk men there who were taunting a young woman in the store. I went to stand near her because I was concerned for her and the boys stopped taunting her and came at me. They started grabbing me and trying to pull me out of the store. I made sure that the woman got out of the store as the men were taunting me. I was afraid for my safety and the store owner stepped in. I bought my drink but the men were outside the store when I came out.
That was a trying time for me. It made me feel like I had no control over my safety. This happened in 2010 when I only first started presenting. I had taken hormones a few years before that and had to stop because I lost my insurance because I was a consultant and the cost of the hormones was too expensive.
When I started taking hormones it was a mission of life and death. I had a suicide attempt at 17 in college because I was depressed but I did not know at the time that the issue was because I was trans. The psychiatrists at the time did not elucidate trans to me, instead he talked about being bi and gay. When I started taking hormones in it was another moment where I contemplated a suicide attempt. I wanted to end it all because I could not be who I wanted to be. It was not until I got hormones that the depression started to be alleviated because I could start to be my genuine self.
Before I got hormones in college, the thing that helped me to get through it was writing. I wrote the journal while I was in my last year of school which would end up being the book called grydscaen: utopia. This book focused on being gay, my lead character and his relationship with his boyfriend who was abusive, something that I could directly relate to.
But back to being trans and safety. With my experience today, it had been a while since I had been in a position where I was feeling unsafe. Trans people have uphill battles to fight against discrimination. Some cis people take their priviledge for granted. Discrimination does not just happen to gay and trans people, it happens to African Americnas, Native Americans, Asians and Latinos.
Some trans women due to their circumstances end up being prostitutes for one reason or another, to be able to eat and survive. Survival sex is something that LGBT homeless youth sometimes have to deal with to stay alive. Human trafficking is something that we still have to deal with. In some countries LadyBoys are seen as people to be abused and used.
Being trans is not something that I would wish on anyone. We trans people just want to be ourselves and live our lives in safety and happiness. It is sometimes a reality of stealth, even being in between or hiding. Everyone should be able to be themselves. Be proud my sisters and brothers. Be yourself, that is what makes you great.
Fortunately I was not harmed in my experience. But it brought me to a place where I felt afraid. Today we need to do better to help our trans, lesbian and gay sisters and brothers to make the threat of violence disappear.
