So today has been a wake up call. Life is precious and it can elude us at any moment. I was going to school and working and publishing my books as secondary. This afternoon I came across something that changed my mindset. At this moment it is about the Packrats, and the message and being there for lgbt teens and homeless youth. My books are important and I must finish the grydscaen mission. Nothing else matters.
The world has turned upside down and every little things has meaning. I was going to art school but I am questioning this now. The timetable has stepped up and it is time to take drastic measures and to make myself one with my cause. I was hesitating because I was afraid but this has all changed. You need to be one with your sentiment in order to understand.
People write fiction about things they research all the time but unless you experience it, there is little meaning to it. You must be one with your cause in order to voice it appropriately. Sure people can say they can research and understand but unless you stand in a gay or trans teens shoes you will not be able to feel their angst.
Some lgbt teens can’t face their life and the bullying. Some find a way to cope and rely on friends and peers. Others find a hard uphill battle. Everyone’s life is precious and should be cherished. No one should feel ashamed for who they are.
Being an lgbt person can have its difficulties and being trans can come with hardship. I came out to someone today and they were not accepting, they basically thought trans was promiscuity, drug addiction and perversion. Some of the older generations may think this. And even though there are people like this that does not sum up the transgender and gay community in its entirety. Sure there are those who seek hookups and causal sex, but there are others that are just trying to be themselves and show their true nature.
I have learned that you can not rely on anyone, even your parents. To me my life has been a lonely road. Yes there have been friends and good times but people can be inately selfish and only want what is good for them.
When I was 17 I tried to commit suicide. There was no ends justify the means, there was just out. I decided after a failed attempt that I would hurt too many other people. So in the end I stayed my hand and the cuts on my wrists were deep but did not do me in. I was stopped in time.
I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through as a teen from my piano teacher to the fact that no one understood me. I wrote grydscaen to give a voice to all those who couldn’t. I talk about homeless youth, suicide, transgender, street walkers, drugs, mental health because there was no one to voice these things when I grew up and needed to hear them.
Today the world changed and everything has a new perspective. It is sad and strange and my mind is spinning. All I want is to be able to publish all the grydscaen books and get the message out to the people. This is my mission and it means a lot to me. I want to do this. I want to succeed. I don’t know if that will happen but I will try. And if it takes all my strength to try to accomplish this I will do my best to not let you down. I started off wanting to publish one book but I wrote an epic with a message that needs to be heard. I will try my best and I will work through it. I promise you, I will not give up and I will not let you down. I want to give voice to all those teens crying out in the darkeness, a voice I didn’t have. I will do my best, and I will fight. I give you my word. All Hail the Packrat Code!