So we have a new book in the works entitled “trans-sub-consternation” which is a young adult (YA) novel about a transgender protagonist. The manuscript is almost finished. I wrote the book on a dare from a former coworker who thought me writing about being trans would help people. Now, in no way did I think my life story would help someone but I gave it a whirl.
In college when I was 16 and a Freshman, I did not know what was causing me angst. Many years later I find that all the depression, suicide attempts and pain was due to being transgender and not knowing what to do with it. The novel trans-sub-consternation tells the story of a young college student who meets his first boyfriend and goes on a journey of self discovery.
I know authors like to write about gay and trans characters after doing research but I have to tell you no amount of research can make you understand living in a trans person’s shoes. It just doesn’t sort. Sure you can read about the heartache and depression but unless you know how it feels you better be a damned good writer to be able to get that piece of believable out there. There is another writer who I know is writing a trans story but having read the person’s other books about romance between LGBT protagonists, I doubt the realness will come through. I won’t tell you who this other writer is but the person irks me with some of the books they have come out with in the LGBT spectrum. Enough of that. Again you can research as much as you want but unless you really can feel it, it will not be real. You can try and please feel free to but no trans story is the same and unless you know what it means to be trans you are just grasping at straws.
So this is not the first time I have written about trans characters. I write about Iin, the transgender woman in grydscaen: tribute in the short story “Know Thyself” and I write about Sati Ima the trans man in grydscaen: insurrection, and the ace trans boy Blue from grydscaen: retribution, although Blue is just a minor character. I know my way around trans experiences because not only am I trans but I have dated a trans man and I have also been a drag performer. So I know what I am getting into. I have a unique experience because I have had a literal three step process, being intersex, a performer and being a transgender person who has had surgery to get my mind right with my body.
Back to writing about a trans character. trans-sub-consternation follows the character Shoji a 16 year old Freshman at an Ivy League school through initial realization, multiple boyfriends, hormones, drag performances, dressing, breakups, devastation, mental illness, suicide attempts and transition. I have about one more chapter to write in the book. The story goes through surgery as well. I want to make it feel real since I know what it feels like.
Before I had any surgeries I watched “Trans Generation” the World of Wonder documentary about 4 transgender college students going through life and coping with being trans. This was eye opening to me. And the fact that I will get my last surgery from the same doctor that Gabbie went to and I was able to see part of her surgery in the documentary is like a mind blowing thing.
Surgery was a big part of me being able to accept myself. Like I have said I have had multiple surgeries so far. This has been a life changing thing and has made me more accepting of my body. Sure I still need to lose 20 pounds to be happy with my body but that is trivial and can be done when I commit to it finally. Having the surgeries and getting hormones has made me like myself a lot more. Writing the grydscaen series has also helped me accept myself, as a cathartic experience.
But back to the WIP. trans-sub-consternation is a day in the life story which goes through the ups and downs of the trans main character told initially in third person then it switches to first person like a diary. The transition to first person was a little strange because grydscaen is written in third person but it seemed necessary for the story. The devastation that being unaccepting of one’s body and feeling unlovable the suicide attempts and the trying to fit in when the character believed no one understood them is critical to writing a believable trans story.
I don’t have a release date for trans-sub-consternation at this time but I might do it as an off release soon. There is more to come on this story and a final chapter to finish. Hopefully everything will work out just the way it needs to. Until then I will be editing the story and finalizing it with proofreading and getting the cover art ready. The nice thing about this cover art is that I drew it Junior year when I finally learned what college I would be attending. It is nice to resurrect an old art piece to use as the cover because it is fitting and shapes the full turnaround of life in the story.
Being able to accept oneself is something people take for granted. Trans people have a hard time with this while they are living in the wrong body. Be it family, society, friends, work or spouses that make it hard to accept or allow trans characters to transition, it can be a hard uphill battle. Luckily society is beginning to come around. People like Caitlin Jenner, Laverne Cox and Jazz are bringing trans people into the spotlight. I have had articles written about me being trans out there and I want to share my story to help others. I had a hard time accepting myself in college and I never knew exactly why until much later. Now that I know it was because I needed to transition and unfortunately I could not do it at 16 when I would have liked to and the fact that I am alienated from my parents for this very reason of being trans I had to give up part of my family life to be myself. I can understand people getting kicked out or abused for it by their parents. To this day though I told my mother she does not accept it. I don’t push it on her because she just would not understand but I want to protect her from harm. I stay away so she doesn’t have to “get into it” which hurts me sometimes but I am trying to protect her. She would never understand what I feel and I don’t try to push it on her. She has her understanding of how the binary world works and nothing will shake that in her mind. I don’t push it. She hasn’t disowned me outright but it is something like LGBT anything I cannot discuss with her. So I don’t.
I write grydscaen for many reasons. Some I will not say. Some are to help others, some are to give back to the LGBT community, to help young LGBT teens with self esteem, and to give homeless youth a voice. I also write to put it out there. There need to be more trans characters. The bathroom bills have reached a fervor and caused angst. Trans people are not trying to harm you in a bathroom just trying to pee in peace. These harsh bathroom bills are degrading and can cause trans people to be in danger. They are not right. The high suicide rate of transgender teens is also concerning and the violence against transgender women out in public has shown an uptick. Safety is an issue with transgender people.
I wrote trans-sub-consternation because a friend begged me to. I write it to help others. Hopefully I can release it soon. I look forward to it. I wish all transgender people the strength to keep their convictions and be themselves. It is an uphill battle and there is much discrimination out there. I wrote the story to help. So I hope you will join me when it is published and read the story of Shoji through transition and self acceptance.
World of Wonder and Trans Generation are copyright their respective owners