The Stigma of Mental Illness
People with mental illness should not have to live under a stigma or be seen as less then. They are people that have challenges everyday faced with the normal things that other people find simple. Waking up in the morning, keeping interest in hobbies, having a simple conversation, doing routine things: all these can be difficult for someone suffering with mental illness. At times caregivers of those or family members can find it difficult to relate to the person with the illness. Saying things like “just get over it,” or “it is not that bad,” or even “don’t be depressed,” can be very harmful for someone who is suffering. Those statements are belittling and take away the serious nature of what the person is experiencing.
I have had my own experiences with anxiety and at times my days were difficult and the challenges debilitating. Those with mental illness who take medication are the same as those who take medication for high blood pressure or diabetes. There is nothing wrong with taking medication.
As a writer, I make sure to talk about mental illness in my books. In grydscaen there is a character Sati Ima who has schizoaffective disorder and has to take medication on a regular basis. Sati is challenged by having to report in to his superiors to ensure he is mentally stable and can continue to fly as a pilot. Sati has issues with anxiety and paranoia, and sometimes thinks people are after him. He has issues with his superiors and bucks authority often. He has also been put in hack at times due to his mouth. Sati does “word salad” at times and has issues with knowing the difference between reality and fantasy. In one of the later books Sati actually has an episode and psychotic break which we see unfold in the book. We get to see the whole experience of him descending into his psychotic episode, being suicidal and the slow recovery back to a near state of normalcy. Through this he is helped by friends and team mates who see him through his experience and remain close.
Having been friends with people who experience mental illness and my own experience with bipolar, it can be challenging to have relationships with people and have them understand what you are going through. Mental illness can be daunting and can cause issues with family and friends. Sometimes people don’t understand that little normal things can be hard. Sometimes mental illness can cause people to leave or abandon you. And if you are friends with someone with mental illness it can cause friction because the person may be abusive and lash out because they are feeling badly. Sometimes it is difficult to relate but as long as you are considerate and understanding then you can reach out and be there for others.
Dynamics of Mental Illness (Lashing Out at Family and those Closest to Them)
People with mental illness sometimes will treat others around them badly. It is not that they are bad people, it is just that they are so wrapped up in themselves and they are blinded by their circumstances or their illness that they can see nothing else. Don’t let the person walk all over you. It is important that you keep your boundaries in tact and say no if they cross the line, or if the relationship or friendship becomes abusive, then you may need to put in some distance and protect yourself to protect them. No one deserves to be yelled at, called names, or manipulated. It is important that if you are dealing with someone who is sick that you do not get swept up in the person’s issues. Remember, you are separate from the person you are dealing with and your thoughts and opinions are relevant and worthy. No one should call anyone names or belittle another. That is never okay. Everyone is worthy and deserves to be heard and has a right to their opinions, their decisions and their own life. Everyone is equal, no one is better than you.
Some people with depression or psychosis may lash out because they hurt so much or are in so much pain that they do not know any other way to deal with their circumstances. In cases like this you need to give them space and not take what is being said personally, abusive or not. Your loved one or friend is not trying to harm you, per say, they may just be lashing our because their world is unbearable. They may not have the skills to express their real needs of not feeling alone and isolated. Sometimes the person with mental illness is just afraid and are questioning the world and why this is happening to them. You may hear your friend call out “why me,” or “why did I deserve this,” or they may question their higher power and curse out loud that someone has done them wrong. They may even be paranoid and blame those closest to them of harming them. Or they may lash out and say mean and nasty things to you just because you close by and the only person in their space who has not abandoned them because their behavior was untenable. You need to remember that your friend is sick and not necessarily trying to hurt you by saying these things. The are just at their wits end and may not have the coping mechanisms to deal with their internal pain in any other way.
Compassion and a Higher Power
Sometimes all anyone needs is to be understood. We all need that in one capacity or another. This is a fundamental human need. This can come through being there for someone who is mentally ill. Or if it is you with the mental illness, this can mean being one with a higher spiritual power. Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. The higher power gives us things to challenge us, not things that will immediately ruin us and are meant to bring us down or compromise us. Life is a series of lessons, trial and error. If we have the ability to look within and can see that we are good internally and are a child of spirit we may be able to look to the world with a kind eye, even if everything seems difficult at the moment.
Sometimes those with mental illness think everyone is out to get them or they think that the world is one set of devastating circumstances after another. Life is a lesson and we need to learn from each of our experiences and grow inside. We can do this best if we are connected to a spiritual power. It need not be “god” or “Buddha” or “Shiva” or “Jehova,” it may be a druid or “the goddess,” or even nature, or our family pet, or your child: whatever you call your higher being or power that brings light and life to your world. It may come through meditation or being one with nature and going on a hike, or it could be our family around us. Whatever that thing that brings you serenity, reach out and revel in it. If it going to church, then go to church. If it is going to ACA meeting or Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps then do that. Each of us needs to be grounded in a feeling of being one with a spiritual center. Use this connection to help guide you to the right path.
Sometimes those that are depressed or having a psychotic break may curse god and blame them for causing all the pain and heartache that they are feeling. You may even feel that god is against you or is out to get you. Or you may feel that you are unworthy and god or spirit has abandoned you. If you or someone with mental illness are experiencing this feeling, try to reach out to those around you and ask for help. Connection to a higher spiritual power can be wonderous and help to ground you in the present. Don’t stay cooped up in the past, all that will do is bring pain, longing and suffering. Turn it over to your higher power and ask that spiritual being or nature for assistance in getting you through.
Some Tips for Dealing with Mental Illness (Your own and in others)
Some Tips for Connecting to a Higher Power
However you decide to embrace your own or another’s mental illness, know that we are all divine beings and deserve to be listened to and heard. We are all special and deserve to be happy. Those of us with mental illness, depression, anxiety, psychosis or schizophrenia are just like everyone else yet we have a challenge that is with us. Reach out to those with mental illness and be there as a friend, a confidant, a companion, if not caregiver, or family member. We are all divine, those with mental illness just need a little help to be understood. Be there for them. Come to them with compassion in your heard, a hand to help, and an ear to listen.