Translation: Cold of the Soul (Depression).
The Japanese had a hard time believing in depression. The producers of Prozac actually gave up on the country when the drug first came out since there was no such thing as “depression in Japan.” You would grin and bear it, get some rest or just go exercise and then be expected to go back to work and suck it up.
Depression was not really recognized in Japan until 1996.
It was not until a marketing campaign in 2006 that mentioned depression when it came out into the open. Termed a “cold of the soul” initially people began to seek help from doctors. Japan also had issues with overwork, long overtime and salaryman suicide which was seen as noble in some terms. It was not until depression was really recognized that some of the stigma was removed. Some just said get some rest or get some exercise was the solution, or get a physical checkup to fix it until it came out in the open.
Now, I wanted to talk about depression as something that we need to end the stigma about. Mental health is still seen as something with a negative connotation, even in the United States. Having experienced depression myself in college, with my own suicide attempt back then I did not so much know what was causing the issue or why I was so miserable.
My bout of depression was relatively short in college freshman year. I think what helped was writing about it. Those writings would eventually become the novel grydscaen: utopia and the character in another volume Sati Ima, who has schizoaffective disorder.
Sure I went to therapy but what helped me the most was the writing. It enabled me to get in touch with myself and to better understand who I was and my place in the world. I think bringing the characters in grydscaen to life and giving them real problems of self esteem and self doubt in a scifi post apocalyptic background helped to free me of the frustrations I was feeling.
There should be no stigma to mental health. Even though we live in a modern world, depression and other mental health issues still cause people to think twice. Some find a stigma having to take medication. There is nothing wrong with that. If you had high cholesterol or diabetes you would take medication every day. This is the same thing.
Some people with depression think there is no light in their lives. It can definitely feel like that. It did for me when I tried to commit suicide in college and again years later when I said I would try again if I couldn’t get hormones. I got the hormones and the second attempt never occurred. And it is only in the last 2 years that I have started becoming my real self physically. This was critical to my health to be able to transition and it was not until after college that I realized that my depression was directly linked to my feelings of dysphoria. If I had been able to express my real self in college which I ended up eventually doing mentally but did not know the reason, I found that my depression became less of an issue.
So what am I trying to say. You need to be true to yourself. If you are uncomfortable expressing your true self, or like me later I was overworked working 65 hours a week and overtime on weekends with no respite, these things can lead to depression. Japan has a culture of overwork that companies expect from their workers for their loyalty. This can lead to burnout and having little sense of joy. The Japanese eventually came to accept such thing as depression but recently there has been a backlash for sick time and a reverse stigma about faking depression for self indulgence.
What was key to my sanity was my hormones, taking medication and being able to be my genuine self. All this and the strength to be myself was directly linked to taking acting classes when I studied animation at art school and writing grydscaen. I am 7 novels published into the series with others waiting to be published and I am more happy in my own skin. My writing did more for me that my psychiatrist and my psychologist. My writing allowed me to express myself and be true to my mind and my being. The reason I write about LGBTIQA characters in grydscaen is to provide a voice to all those who feel like they don’t belong in the world, from the transgender teenager, to the homeless teen, to the kid thinking about buying his first hit of drugs, to the kid who feels left out and unliked who gets bullied everyday.
I write grydscaen to provide role models for young adults that I did not have when I was 16 in college. Yes, I was young going to college, maybe too young for the experience, but I got through it and thrived, becoming a poet and a novelist, a software engineer and a systems analyst and a hacker. All my experiences, including my depression are a part of me. They make up who I am. I would not be the same person or the same writer without them. I feel my depression helped me to better understand who I am. Yes, sure I went through it and I will not negate anyone else’s plight to deal with it. But there should be no stigma. Reach out, don’t hide. Hiding can suck the life out of you in a deep dark place of despair. Even if it is hard to take one step and leave the house, or hard to reach out to talk to someone. There are people that love you and care about you who can help.
Some people who are depressed think they are horrible, that they are not worth being alive, that they waste space, or take up air. That is not true. Everyone has worth, and everyone is special. We all bring our gifts given to us by the divine with us as we move through this life. We are all special. The homeless kid on the corner may think there is no hope living on the streets about to OD on that hit of heroin to make it all go away until that Salvation Army food truck operator comes by with a hot meal and shows that kid that he means something. It can be something as simple as that. Everyone has worth. Everyone is special. I guess that is what I wanted to say today. Just be yourself. You are beautiful.